Nothing special.....

-Monday I came home a found I had a check from Express Scripts.  This company handles our prescriptions, apparently in Nov we paid full price for medication and for whatever reason they reimbursed me back the money.  The check was for $145.00 not a huge amount but boy oh boy its just what I needed and just enough to get a few things and hold me over til Friday. :)

-Also on Friday I have decided to rejoin LA fitness.  They are offering me a deal, I cancelled my membership back in 2009 when I got pregnant.  Now they keep sending me emails asking me to come back.  I join planet fitness when they had that $1 down and $10 a month special, which is great because they are also closer to my house but they don't have any babysitting.  LA fitness has babysitting they are in Springfield which isn't that bad.  I am considering doing this until Feb or March, after I get my income taxes I decided I'm just going to buy a family membership for the entire year at the YMCA.

-I think I'm going to take the kids to get another family photo.  The last one we had was in the summer and since Ase has turned 1 I think we should get another one.  I'm not sure what color's to where....any suggestions?

-I finally took Gia over Ebony's house after lots of begging from her and Maniah(Ebony's daughter).  I will pick her up Friday I guess.  Tonight I'm going to get Ayanna and Ase and we going to get a pizza and relax.  My bed will be very crowed, I know Ayanna won't sleep in her room without her big sister.  So it will be her, Ase and I all in the bed......I love it :-D


Well that's all I have

I was minding my own business......

Last night I got the call from LTF(which is what he will be referred to from now on) to talk about things being "complicated".    Initially he wanted to get together Friday and talk, I was like oh no!  It wasn't that serious that I needed a face to face conversation.  So I told him to cut it out and stop being dramatic and let's talk.
So he starts telling me about how much he likes me and really enjoys spending time with me and that he wishes things was different.  I'm like different how, so I mention are you talking about "the father"?  He says yes.  So of course I'm even more confused because I was minding my own business when you sought me out.  You persistently asked me "when are we hanging out"?  Now that started back in the summer.  Now like I said we have always been cool and have always seen each other around.  Then out of the blue he starts to pursue me asking me out and make plans for just the two of us to hang out.
 He proceeds to tell me because he knows him it just makes things complicated.  Mind you its not like they have every hung out or even would call themselves friends.  They never ran in the same circles nor have any friends in common.  He just knows who he is and have seen the course of our relationship.  Not that I am not ok with just being friends but like I said that's all we are but it just doesn't makes sense to me.  His actions is just what doesn't makes sense.  He likes me alot and wants to date but he has some kind of loyalty to my ex?? What in the world??
I was not about to try to convince anybody of anything, so I listened and said "ok".  I think he was kinda of surprised but look I'm not getting any younger and I'm about to play this back a forth.  Either someone whats to be with me or not.....really simple, REALLY!  He also wants to know if we can continue to hang out......ummmmmm No!  I said sure but in all honestly that doesn't make sense.  Why would two adults who are attracted to each other hang out?  What is this the garden of Eden and here we are with the forbidden fruit  in arms reach....I don't think so.  I can see it now, where out drinking dancing he smells good, I'm looking good....a touch a kiss.  Stop right there, I will not torture myself or waste time playing footsie when I could be out with someone who actually wants to develop something.
So there it is.....Oh well    NEXT!

It's complicated??

After much pressure from some of my friends, I decided to come out and ask the long time friend what are we doing.  It went something like this:

ME: "are we hanging out just as friends or exploring other options?"

HIM: "that is really complicated"

ME: "really??"

HIM: " can we talk it about it later"

ME: "sure...i hope i didn't' give you a headache"

HIM: "noooo not at all....your funny"

ME: "im just saying....u said complicated"

HIM: "because it is"

ME: "interesting"

HIM: "I don't mean it in a weird way"

ME: "oooooh"

So I took that as "Devona you have a very complicated situation, I like you but I"m not sure what to do".  Yes this long time friend knows my situation.  All about the father, kids etc....

I really wanted to ask him because I need to know what he is thinking.  If we decide to just be friends I'm good with that.  Considering thats all we have been.  I know I just don't want to be in a situation where I am stroking his ego or trying to convince his insecurities(not saying he has any) about the father.  Which brings me to my relationship with the father.  Uggg that is a whole blog by itself......

p.s comments.......

whew......

It has been quite an eventful past few days........

-So Ase was discharged from the hospital on Wed.  I have decided to get a second opinion on his condition.  At this point why not, I can't keep doing 5 days in the hospital every other month.  Even if another doctor tells me that we are following the right course and doesn't have any new answers for me oh well at least I'm trying.  He is feeling better, the cold seem to be running its course and he is making a slow recovery.

-So I returned to work Thursday, after being out for a week.  Its so stressful to lose 40 hours of work just like that!  I have tons of work to do which is expected.  It decides to start snowing around 3 or 4 maybe and I left at 4:45pm.  Now of course traffic would be so ridiculously backed up, when I have somewhere to be.......the Usher concert at 730pm(I got a call on Tuesday from my long time friend saying surprise he bought the tickets)  I don't get to the daycare til 6:10 and they close at 6pm.  Luckily every other parent was late as well so there was no late fee.  I get a call from my "date"(?? I don't know if I would call it a date.  I mean two friends going to a concert doesn't necessary mean date.....does it? what do you think?) that he is in front of my door.  So I pull up behind him, so I rush in get showered make up curl hair and actually make it out the door in about 20min.  The show was great, Usher is a great performer!  It feels nice to be out with someone and they takes care of everything, catering to you making sure your comfortable.
Which always brings me to this confusion with him.  We often have this time when we hang out of being in each others personal space then it gets kinda awkward.  I feel so silly because I am never this confused, unsure and insecure with anyone.  Maybe he just see's me as a great friend and that's it.  How do I see him?  Is he someone I would date?  Do I actually like him?  I don't know whatever my head hurts........

-Ayanna turned 4 on Thursday, she's getting so big.  She's been asking for a princess party for a while, I'm going to surprise her and either give it to her after we move or just have it at a small hall.  Here she is serving McDonald's at the please touch museum and the other putting on her "lip stick".  She looks more and more like her dad.
              


-I don't have any huge plans for the weekend, which is cool.  I need to relax and take care of things around the house.  The kids and I will probably go over a friends house on Sat. eat drink and enjoy company.
later...........

i love this song.....

LOL......I dont know either

It's crazy how I am actually blogging from the computer in my son's hospital room.  He is taking a nap, which is wonderful since he is sooooo cranky.  We got here yesterday(friday) early afternoon.  I was attempting to handling this at home but I just got uncomfortable with his breathing and decided to bring him in.  I never want to become desensitized to his condition or start thinking "oh he's ok".  My motherly instincts always know when we need to come in.  All the times we have been to the er we have been admitted every time with 1 exception.  So yes in total this makes our 5th admission.  I pray that he grows out of this and will be able to lead a normal active life.  I feel so alone when I'm here, I know I have friends/family support but I feel so alienated.  I know him being hospitalized is not about me but the reality is when he's here I'm here.  And yes he does have his father but oh no mommy needs to be by his side. 
Last night was my companies annual holiday party and yes I missed it.  I wasn't to upset but I did want to put on some clothes and enjoy some nice food.  And I have to admit I wanted to dance and hang out with this long time friend.  He actually was the only reason I was going since he insisted that I go.  And after weeks of back and forth I gave in and told him I would come.  And I did feel bad, I invited a friend to go with me and I know she made arrangements to go and we both ended up not going.
Hopefully we will be leaving tomorrow

Ayanna:     "daddy"
the father:   "yes"
Ayanna:     " i found christmas"
the father:   "huh?  what do mean?"
Ayanna:     "right there(pointing to a tree with lights on it), there is christmas"
the father:   "oh ok"

weekend antics

Its Monday back to work and the weekend went pretty well.........

Friday the kids and I were leaving the house in morning Gia(yes she is to blame) locks both sets of keys in the house.  I am loading the baby in his seat I tell her don't close the door I don't have my keys.  She says well I don't see them so you must have them and close and locks the door.  I'm checking my bag, pockets and realize no I don't have them. UGGGGG!!  Then I say ok well get your keys out of your book bag and of course she doesn't have them.  At this point there is nothing to do but go to work and continue worry about it the rest of the day.  I leave my landlord a message and of course I get no call back, nothing.  So I devise my own plan of getting into an apt on the second floor of a duplex, hmmmmmm.  So of course I call "the father" and tell him to meet me there and figure something out.  I decided not to have him kick in to door, realizing that would be costly and just not a good idea.  So we go into the basement to get the ladder and to climb in the window! "The father" tells me he's not climbing in the window that he will hold the ladder and I have to climb in, I say ok(PLEASE, AS IF).  I get my downstairs neighbor, who is a total pain in the a** and ask him to help.  The father and the neighbor get the ladder from the basement and of course I stand by and watch as the neighbor holds the ladder and the father climbs up and into the window. omg! At least it was dark and not too many people watched and got a full tutorial on how to brake into my place.

Saturday Ebony and I decide to take the kids to Chuck E Cheese's, yes I said it Chuck E Cheese's on a Sat.  I was babysitting a friend from my congregation 5 y/o daughter, which is nice since it gives Ayanna a chance to have company instead of pester Gia and her company.  We got there late afternoon and it wasn't so bad, we always get a booth plenty of pizza/soda and tokens for the kids.  So Ebony and I pretty much get to sit talk and laugh while they run around.

Sunday we went to hall and went to Denny's afterward for brunch with some friends.  We came home and got started with laundry and dinner.  The weekend went well and of course things wouldn't be right if I didn't have my daily aggravation from the father.  He decides 2 weeks ago that he will take the kids every Mon and Tues drop them off Wed at the daycare and I will pick them up.  I went with it for 2 weeks but then decided that's to much time away from home/mom.(any mom's out there that can understand?)  I'm not that kind of mom who is always looking to pawn my kids off, to run out the door to hang out and do nothing.  I know some people may think that I am some how missing out on something because I have kids. Sorry nope that's not me.  I have been to Miami, Las Vegas, Atlantic City, Virgina Beach, Disney World and continue to make plans.  And when I want to do things I plan a sitter and I do them.  So no I don't want my kids gone half the week, yes that is their dad but I'm their mom.  So I feel a fight coming on, but that's fine.  I know he does things to aggravate/annoy me, most of the time I ignore it but sometimes I take a bite.

I'm getting off at the next stop

So I continue to be on this roller coaster named bills, money and I am deciding the next go round I'm opting out.  It goes up and down causing nausea then, it takes a dramatic dip causing stomach pain called anxiety and I really hate when it gets all the way to the top and just leaves you dangling there causing you to just sit there and think!
  I use to be the person who under stress lost their appetite, well not anymore.  With all this worry I manage to think about what am I going to eat.  Cheese steak, Chinese, spaghetti or pancakes and eggs or better yet how about we go to Hibachi and spend the only $$ I have?! Yeah that's usually how it goes.  When did I turn to the emotional eater, if I could actually lose my appetite it may help.. I could actually lose a few pounds and during this stressful time I would be satisfied with that!  But of course the tide has turned and I am officially an eater during stressful times, great.


Miami........

...

I'm so annoyed on so many levels, I really don't want to turn this blog into bitch fest.....
I came to work today and I'm here til 3pm, this doesn't bother me at all since I really don't care who or what holiday it is.(sorry just not into it)  I tell "the father" that I will be working because I just can't take off un paid and I pretty much know no one will be here and leaving at 3pm is great.  So of course he says its not problem since he's not working so he will just be with the kids.  Last nite he ask me can I just take Ase to work with me?  WTH?? How am I going to be here with a baby crawling around my office, I swear!  Now I know I didn't marry the sharpest tool in the shed but OMG.  So of course I'm not/can't/won't bring the baby to work.  I'm sure this is only b/c he wants to either participate or watch a football game outside.  Well believe it or not the kids won't melt, go into shock or explode if they sit outside for a few hours with you! 
Enough of that.......

So the other day a sister from my hall stops over to see me, which was rather nice.  I always appreciate the friends at my congregation interest in me and my family.  Helena is at least in her 60's but to talk to her you would not think so.  I have to admit I usually gravitate toward people who are older than I am.  But we talked and laughed and set up some time to get together.  She was watching another friend of ours daughter, so Deja and Ayanna played.  She left after an hour or so, I was smiling on the inside and she put on her tan leather jacket and picked up her matching hobo bag and got into the her Cadillac and drove off.

Last night I get a call from Spark energy asking if I would like to sign up with them and leave peco.  Now we all know I HATE peco so of course I was interested in what they had to say.  But I am always leary when people want to sign you up right now!  I asked plenty of questions and told them I will do some research and get back to them and see if its worth it.  The guy said ok and he will give me a call back next week.  Have anyone everyheard of them?  And does anyone have any other energy supplier besides Peco?

Well I just looked out the window and its snowing!

When I grow up

Oneday I will be a hot mom just like Jada ;-)
I don't have that much to go!

You betta work..............

"What other people think of me is not my business."
                                                
                                                                  —RuPaul

Did somebody turn the light out at the end of the tunnel?

just some background info first......

My son was diagnosed with asthma in Aug, after being hospitalized for the 2nd time.  He then went back into the hospital in Sept and was there for 8 days! Then turned around again in Oct and was there for 4 days.  Poor thing even turned 1 years old in hospital.  Yes needless to say CHOP has become our second home.  Of course during this time I was there at his bedside the whole time, because where else would mommy be.  I am fortunate to have a job where I am able to get FMLA.  During this difficult time of emotional ups and downs, stressing because here is my baby not even 1 years old struggling to breathe his dad still manages to be a prick.  And he completely knows he is being a prick since he says to my mom "I don't know why I'm be uncooperative".  Interesting revelation but anyway......
After getting him out of the hospital and feeling better which is the most important the entire month of Oct pasted.  Which turns out I worked 60hours for the entire month....UGGGGG!!  The equates to no $$$.  Of course I had no benefit time the summer just ended and we just got back from Disney world. Needless to say I am still trying to recover financially.  I am in catch up mood which is getting really really old! REALLY!  I was able to push my car note back for the month, which was great.  But what I don't understand is when you want to mis a payment why do you have to pay a fee.  If I don't have the money for the payment then what makes you think I have money to pay a fee??  So at this point I was calling ever possible bill/debt that I have and making arrangements and paying things that absolutely had to be paid.  Now here it is we are going into Dec. I am still trying to get it together.  I have not had a 80hour paycheck in 2 months.  I'm grateful to have good friends that are always willing to help me out, and vise versa.  And although he have his moments even outside of child support "the father" is always someone I can call and get something extra from.  But with all this going on I'm actually doing ok.  No haven't had the extra $$ that I like and use to but we are ok.  And that's the part that's getting on my nerves, I'm ready for this to be over for things to be back to normal.  But then again normal........?

This is were I sleep for over a week.....

being a mom.....

-Ase took his 1st steps last nite, i took my phone out to record it maybe I can upload it.  He is 13 months but what can I say he is the baby, a boy and we spoil him.  I am so glad to report that it seems is asthma is getting under control, now that he is on the allergy medicine.  They believe possible the allergies was aggravating the asthma is some cases.  I can definitely see a difference.  The Dr.'s and Nurses and CHOP are wonderful and great at what they do.  Every time(which is far too many) I go there I have an exceptional experience.  But I'm guessing the people that work there are all hand picked and I'm sure its difficult to get a job there.
-Ayanna wants a princess party, what you say......of course she's going to get a princess party!  I'm thinking she can dress up her guest can come dressed some cake a games.  I'm sure daddy will want things a little extra....  Ayanna has this new thing, when Ase is falling out and hitting(the usual 1 y/o shenanigans) she quickly interjects "mommy I like you".  Clearly letting me know he is the one mis behaving this time.
-Gia wants a graduation party, which is something else I can wait to plan for her.  She continues to be such a good girl(aside from typical growing pains) and a great big sister.  She also made student of the month for the month of November.  I also got test scores back for their standardized test and Gia continues to be advanced in math, now the reading comprehension....ummmmm.  But that is ok I told her exceptional at math is a wonderful thing and gives you lots of opportunities.
My kids are so funny, as I'm sure any mom will tell you. 

And since we are talking about being a mom Ebony and I have decided we are going back to South Beach for our annual mommy vaca.  The last time I was there I was pregnant so I'm sure we will have a different experience.  As usual our vaca will take place in the spring/early April, I"m excited.
And here is a pic of my crew, with princess tiana and her princess

Me a home owner :0.....

I just talk to a mortgage specialist and we went over somethings along with some numbers and things I need to do to get the house I want.  From the looks of it I could be in a home by Feb March, I am so excited.  I plan to stay in the area I am currently in.  I like it for the most part, Gia is in a good school and soon Ayanna will be in kindergarten.  I have looked at homes in the area Drexel hill, Lansdowne, Upper Darby and Clifton heights all areas I like.  One of my biggest things I need is a finished basement I also cant wait to entertain.  I love to have get together and friends over.

Today I wore black pumps that bought from Target I love love love them.  Although I hate the breaking in stage of shoes my left toe is killing me.  But its all worth the fashion, maybe I can figure out how to upload the pic and post them. 

postsecret who knew....

why not....

I have decided blogging may actually be something really good for me.  This is my first blog so excuse the possible rambling and run on sentences, lol.

Monday November 15, 2010....

Saturday Ebony and I took the kids to the Springfield mall despite the fact that we both we complaining of being broke.  I picked up the cutest black pumps with a 3' heel, perfect for work.  I got G some jeans which she needed bad, this girl is going so fast!  Ebony go the Taylor's ear's pierced and got a few things for Maniah who also is growing up so fast.  The had a great time as always and it was nice for the mommies to get out as well.  We went back to my place and ordered pizza.  We hung out for a while and they left.

Sunday....
I laid in bed as long as I could.  I didn't get up and go to the Hall and I feel really terrible about it.  I have to get myself back in gear.  I honestly am frustrated with constant get up and go routine.  Some days I just need to lay in my bed til I feel like getting up. 
Despite missing my meeting I did accomplish quite a few things over the weekend. 

A long time friend have invited me to a concert....USHER!  Yes he is coming to Wells Fargo center(formerly Wachovia ctr) on Dec. 16 I'm so excited.  This long time friend is a guy and for some reason have been making it known that he wants to hang out with me!  It kind of catches me off guard because I usually know why a guy is asking me out or wants to hang out with me.  But with him it kind of throws me off.  He's single no kids nice career and handsome.  So why does he want to spend his spear time with me?? Not to say that I'm some ugly duckling or something because we all know I'm one hot mama.....but I just have a lot on my plate.  And he is fully aware of my situation.  But anyway we are going to the concert and I have my outfit already picked out.