I'm going in....

I don't write disclaimers as this is my blog and I blog what I want to.....names and places are not mentioned to protect the innocence and the guilty.

I"m so sick of guys and their exaggerated idea that there penis is some how superior to another penis and the idea that just because they have a dick it some hows give them some kind of secret weapon of mass destruction.  Now I admit I have been around the block, it's not something I am ashamed of or proud of its just one of those things where it is what it is.  With that said I have seen my fair share of dicks, big ones small ones normal size skinny ones and fat ones and honestly while most women can say they want a big one I think for the most part we are happy with a normal size with a decent width.  Back to the men, for some reason guys think that there penis is superior to another.  Seriously do they not understand that most women can go to the nearest corner flag someone down and get a dick.  Its not one of those things where the product out weights the demand there is a surplus.  Now when I say get dick I don't mean a relationship/husband/boyfriend what I mean is if I want to get screwed its not a hard task.  Guys brag about there penis thinking that they some how lay pipe better than the next guy.  Yes some guys just don't have a clue around a women's body and then there are others who are tuned into exactly what we want and sometimes it requires some coaching  to find out exactly what we want.  So I have been in situations when some guy feels the need to let me know how good his dick is, really??!!   And why I conduct myself like an effing lady I do not feed the monster I usually sit back and let that person honk his own horn, I mean hey why not.  Usually I want to say something like "boy please I have seen bigger" or "yours is ok, it falls a little short but I can work with it" or "no you really don't need that magnum condom a regular one will due" or "no I really wanna get on top b/c I"m not feeling anything" and "yes I have had better".  Now I refrain from saying such thing because I usually like the person I'm screwing(yes I tried to make that a habit) and I don't really want to bruise the male ego(well not at that time).  So in conclusion ladies our job is never done, we will sit back and let him brag and feel like he did something that have never been done, go ahead especially if you like him.

men, men and more men...

A few weeks ago I kinda decided I was just gonna jump off the deep end and do what I want when I want without restrictions.  This sounds kinda crazy but "ha whatta you gonna do", for a while I have been playing it cool and not really pursuing all those naughty things I wanna do.  First on my agenda is men, yes men.  I really have been taking it easy and not looking or putting in any real effort to meet someone.  Hell even sex have been on the back burner and for me that is pretty dam hard.  Not saying I'm some kind of nympho but by all means I like it when and how I want.  I think I wasn't putting in any real effort because honestly I have such a busy schedule between school/work/kids I didn't think there was any room left.  So I have decided to make room and squeeze in the opposite sex.
Last week I made a connection with Tate and old boyfriend from college, we hung out last week and this past weekend.  He goes paintball every weekend and insist that I go, honestly I don't want to go.  I have been in the past (took the father paintball for a fathers day gift) and that was enough.  I asked a girlfriend if she would go but I seriously don't want to go, sheesh!  He's just out of a relationship 2 months ago, he told me he wished he hadn't taken our relationship for granted even though we where young.  He thinks I'm the wife type, I'm a cool person easy on the eyes and have a great personality as long as I "direct my vagina in one direction, I'm the wife type" his words not mine.  So romantic and honest, so I had a good laugh at that!
I also met another guy(a cop, no not that one another one) and he is typical guy that I usually end up with.  Not saying that in a bad way but for whatever reason he swears that I am the one and that we will be in a great relationship soon.  He even had it planned out that we(me+kids) will move in to his home since he owns it after we get married.  I usually end up with the provider protector kind of guy, which is great but right now I kinda want to play around some.  Not to say if things go well I wouldn't embrace a good relationship but sheesh he already has us married.  He is nice and nice on the eyes as well so I guess there isn't much to complain about there.
Also the Russian guy that I went out with maybe a year a go emailed me.  He is also a nice guy with this adorable accent who says he too is tired of being single and wants to put in real effort for us to get to know each other again and see where it goes.  We went out a few times, maybe a year ago but at that time I really didn't want to meet someone so I was acting like a flake not returning calls/text messages.  He is a nurse at Temple University hospital and has a 16y/o son who live in Russia.  So I guess he emailed me at the right time, we are hanging out Tuesday.

my show will go on

Somebody help, either help me or the father I can't I can't just irks my whole entire soul I swear....
Now that I got that out
Monday I talk to the father asking if he could keep the kids over night on Tuesday, side bar:

Of course I was/am irked that I have to come up with a story so you can keep your kids and I can go out. WTF?? where not together and why do you care??  I decided that I would tell him what he needed to hear just to keep the peace and not rock the boat.

He said he would(after asking me why whats going on) he also said that he would pick them up from the daycare.  I made plans to hang out with Tate(is what we will call him) on Tuesday and I honestly said to myself I just may want to spend the night out hence why I asked the father to keep them.  After we made that plan I said cool then I can go to the gym straight from work then come home.  So yesterday he goes to the daycare and picks everyone up except my oldest daughter.  Normally shes not at the daycare but there was no school yesterday so she was.  The father picks everyone up(mind you my middle child is in the same bldg) and then says to her your mom is coming to get you.  Here we go with the games, so after she texted me that I left the gym to go get her all the while cursing like a drunken sailor on the phone to him.  But once I got home and calmed down(whoo sigh) I started getting ready for my date.

Tate lives in the city and we decided I would meet him at his place then we would go get something to eat.  Feeling rather sexy in my jeans and smelling very good, I met him at his place and he gave me a tour.  He has this huge 3 story house that he is in the process of renovating himself.  Its tile, flooring, paint, sheet rock holes in the wall when you walk in, the downstairs isn't complete so we head up to the second floor where he knocked down a wall to create a bigger bedroom for himself.  His daughter room and her bathroom was done to perfection then I could see how good his work is.  We went up another flight of stairs where he knocked down another wall to open up the space and there is where he built a bar w/ a sink put down ceramic floors and installed a heart shape black jacuzzi in the back room.  He also opened up the front window and built a deck off of the 3rd floor with sliding glass tinted windows.  This room is where he stays but plans to make it an official entertainment area.  So we sat and talked he told me if I needed anything done at my place he would do it(yes please I need the place painted) and after plenty of comments about how I look and how well I aged I kinda let go of some of my insecurity.  I hate that I have some insecurity about my weight, I know I carry it well but I know this isn't really me.  Thats why I have been putting in serious effort about the gym and watching what I eat.  Anyway after the tour we headed out the clock bar, this was one of my fav spots when I went to Temple, yes its a neighborhood bar that serves awesome seafood.  After we ate we headed back to his place and he poured us a drink and he put on the Kevin Hart comedy show.  We talked about our recent relationships and what we want and direction we want to go talked about our kids he still has that silly side that I like.  We both talked about how much we just enjoyed hanging out with each other and we both agreed that we where actually friends and enjoyed each other company.  I realized when we got back the jacuzzi was full so we decided to get in and relax and watch the movie in there.  I was being shy and made him leave when I took my clothes off, he laughed and said I was being silly and that I looked great, whatever turn around while I get in.  We drank and laughed in the jacuzzi, after we both got pretty tipsy and wrinkled from being in the water we decided to get out.  He lives just like the typical bachelor digging around for the bag of clean clothes for some towels.  We laid in bed and he attempted to put on a movie but neither of us where interested in the movie.  I have always been attracted to big guys, I like when  a guy has a big wide chest and shoulders and he had all that along with that scruffy rugged look.  So I had a great time and left early enough this morning to be to work on time.

"pick back up now where I leave it at"

I hate when I let so much time go by without blogging it makes it more difficult to get my thoughts together, anyway I will try here goes(in no particular order)
Last week I had another interview this was with a law firm downtown and an attorney known for his commercials on daytime tv.  I loved being downtown, prior to that I haven't been in forever and I felt like some kind of out of town tourist.  I was surprised that I was actually interviewing with him directly I kinda thought it would be with some HR person but nope it was him.  He was a very nice guy(surprisingly) and the interview went well.  I feel like I want to keep getting out there until I find something that suits me.  He did say that he would like someone with experience but hasn't found them yet, he said he liked me and would definitely consider me since I showed so much enthusiasm.  I was rather pleased with that, I see all of this as a learning experience that will take me to what I am suppose to have in the end.
Friday I had my court date, the father took me to court for shared/joint custody of the kids.  Initially it had my panties in a huge bunch, lots of anxiety and stress.  I then sat down and jotted down all the valid points that I will bring up as to say why that it's not necessary that he get shared custody.  After doing that and sharing my points with several people it was obvious that I had nothing to worry about.  Friday when I got there we where told that court was cancelled and they had to reschedule.  It really didn't matter to me anyway, so now its postponed and I will get a letter in the mail telling me when the new court date. Whatever!
Last week an old boyfriend found me on facebook, I don't really like fb but I guess it does have it's up side.  He was my boyfriend my 1year at Temple and we really like each other but we where young and silly.  You know how it is when your young and full of emotions, hormones and sexual desires(the good old days) needless to say the relationship had its ups and downs and ended the summer of our second year.  So now that we are back in touch we talked about all those(now funny) incidents that went down.  He told me how much he liked me and that I broke his heart.  It was a very nice conversation, so now we are hanging out tonight.  I can't wait;)  I'm pretty excited and nervous in alot of ways, one way for sure since I finally cut the sex with the father I can totally see me being a slut and screwing him.  I know bad girl but we have a history and its not like he's a total stranger, right?  And it really doesn't help that he is still very sexy and since I'm working out regularly I feel pretty good about myself I"m pretty eager to get naked for someone.  And we both are single.....
Its funny how guys that I talk to from my past express how much they cared about me and they where head over heels in love with me and they have been looking for me.  But when I think back I don't recall if I have the same feelings, when I'm with the person yes I really like them but when its over I tend to just let it go and move on without much thought.  I guess that's a good thing for me anyway it keeps me from living in the past but I honestly don't realize that I made an impact in someones life.  When I think of my past I can't say that I have been head over heels in love alot.  When I'm with someone yes I am attracted to them and I love being with the person but alot of times its something I can give or take.  I was in love with the father for so many reasons but the main reason was because of the way he treated me but there was plenty at the same time that I could have done without.  I guess that is how love goes, people grow and change and you just keep finding things to love about that person, r-ex is someone I can say I was deeply in love with but I don't spend time in the past.  I have always been like that very matter of fact, when I think about it I guess its a good thing and also a bad thing at times.
Anyway my classes are going very good and if I keep my two classes per semester and one class each summer session I should be done in June of 2013.  It seems far but not really, if something happens and I can take more classes that would be great but overall I'm pretty happy with this schedule.
Its nice to be blogging again

mean girls come back to haunt you

Last Wednesday I had an interview which turned out some surprises, first the person who interviewed me was a girl I went to Temple with.  Now the average person I guess that would be a good thing, when she said her name when we where on the phone I knew right away this was the same girl.  She has a very unique name and there was no chance that it was somebody else who had the same name.  Immediatly I began to think if I go along with the girl.  She was my former roommate, roommate they got an off campus apartment.  I do remember bff and I going over there and just doing mean girl stuff, just for no reason(I know we where young), we would call her the wrong name just because or we would eat some of her food and sometimes just snoop in her room.  So when I spoke to her on the phone I didn't want to say anything but I was sure it was her, so of course when I got there the first thing she said was my name you know said it like hey girl!  So I said yes and we had a laugh, I was relieved to know that she was pretty ok with me.  I mean that was along time ago so we went on with the intereview and talked some about people we know.  As I thought the job start pay was signifantly less that what I am making now but it is exactly where I need to be to gain my experience.  I thought about it all weekend and came to the conclusion that if I am going to take a pay cut that I would have to plan ahead right now I cannot just up change jobs and lose money.  So over the next year I will continue my career search with the hopes of not taking a pay cut but if so I'm going to figure my plan that will allow me to do so.  I swear this grown up stuff is really for the birds.

the light at the end of the tunnel just seems so far

After we turned on our assignment, resume and cover letter I decided to send mine out to a few law firms.  When I did some poking around most people prefer a paralegal with some years of experience and those without obviously fall into the category of making less money.  Now I'm not even going to get into the crap about enjoying what you do isn't always about the money, OH PLEASE spare me that crock of bull, I need both.  I need to feed the school yard full of kids that I have and still be able to go buy myself a new Juicy Couture bag if I want(on sell of course) with the topping of enjoying my work as well.  So it seems that if I don't have any experience once I'm done school I will have to get a job and take a pay cut.  That sucks and yes I know all about the light at the end of the tunnel and having to sacrifice now to get it back later, yea yea yea whatever.  Like I said I submitted my resume to law firms that need a receptionist(I will answer phones there just to get my foot in the door), legal assistants and legal secretaries.  I'm a forward thinker and it just makes sense for me to be in that environment now while I am still in school and gain my experience simultaneously.  Monday I actually got a bite, an employer called me to come in for an interview Wednesday very nice and exciting to know my resume caught someones eye.

all around your elbow to get to your ass

This morning I woke up and felt like a hamster in the wheel, you know the stinky little rodent in the classroom that make the whole room smell musky yes him.  I don't know if this is the on set of my bipolar acting up but I know I was pretty annoyed at the thought of oh here I go again with this.  I know its life people have to get up and go to work 5 longs day a week, get paid every other Friday use the weekends to drink, do a hobby find someone to have sex with, complain in between finding happiness and doing things you like.  Yes that sums it up, I know I hate when I get like this all bitchy and irritable.  Besides that things are going along pretty well, our first assingment was to do our resume/cover letter which turned out pretty good.  When I completed mine I felt pretty good about it, in the back of my mind I have been having this thought of should I leave my current job and try to work in a law firm.  Maybe not as a Paralegal but an admin assist or legal secretary or something just to get my foot in the door and be in that environment.  Yes I have been at my current job for quite sometime and honestly I feel like I'm ready to go, it's just something that served its purpose and now its time to move on.  Then on the other side since I have been here so long I have a little bit of lee way(sp?) in some areas.  Anyway I decided to put resume out to some law firms and see what happens hopefully I can get a call back or something to boost my ego.
Other news I haven't been out on a date nor am I currently talking to anyone, this last guy I talked which was actually earlier this week.  He seemed nice but after a few conversations he let me know that he wasn't driving right now because he was in a car accident and it will be sometime before he got a car.  He started the conversation off with what am I doing this weekend.  I told him nothing major he said neither was he and then goes on to say well to bad we can't meet up.  I said ummmm ok, then he says well I'm not driving and I know how you women of today are.  So we get into this discussion of having a car and the women of today have nothing to do with the other.  If a man wants to date a women how is he going to spend time make dates and do things without a car??  I didn't even feel like entertaining the conversation and just said well I would meet up but I'm not sure how he would meet up with me.  If he caught the bus or borrowed a car, that would be his problem.  Long story short he will contact me when he has a car, whatever its not that deep.
I don't really have time and honestly I am just not that interested in dating right now.  My schedule is pretty busy and I just feel content with things right now and I'm happy.  As far a sex, yes sex when I have that itch I know I can always go back to old reliable, the father.  Yes I know your shaking your head at me but hey it is what it is.  I do fight the convinence but sometimes I just don't have the fight in me and he doesn't make it any easier.   He's over there just about everyday eating dinner, playing with kids or just hanging out on the couch watching football.  Yes both of us ass backwards, all the way around your elbow to get to your ass.  Anyway I was talking to bff about the whole relationship that we don't have and she thought maybe I should just come out and say "WTF??"  In other words what are we doing why are we growing closer instead of apart like people do when they break up.  Any who I said I will and yes it would be me since he is a terrible communicator when it come to us.  I don't know when I will most of the time stuff like that just usually comes flying out of my mouth and  I didn't even see it coming.
Oh and I got bangs maybe this pic will up load......