I'm going in....

I don't write disclaimers as this is my blog and I blog what I want to.....names and places are not mentioned to protect the innocence and the guilty.

I"m so sick of guys and their exaggerated idea that there penis is some how superior to another penis and the idea that just because they have a dick it some hows give them some kind of secret weapon of mass destruction.  Now I admit I have been around the block, it's not something I am ashamed of or proud of its just one of those things where it is what it is.  With that said I have seen my fair share of dicks, big ones small ones normal size skinny ones and fat ones and honestly while most women can say they want a big one I think for the most part we are happy with a normal size with a decent width.  Back to the men, for some reason guys think that there penis is superior to another.  Seriously do they not understand that most women can go to the nearest corner flag someone down and get a dick.  Its not one of those things where the product out weights the demand there is a surplus.  Now when I say get dick I don't mean a relationship/husband/boyfriend what I mean is if I want to get screwed its not a hard task.  Guys brag about there penis thinking that they some how lay pipe better than the next guy.  Yes some guys just don't have a clue around a women's body and then there are others who are tuned into exactly what we want and sometimes it requires some coaching  to find out exactly what we want.  So I have been in situations when some guy feels the need to let me know how good his dick is, really??!!   And why I conduct myself like an effing lady I do not feed the monster I usually sit back and let that person honk his own horn, I mean hey why not.  Usually I want to say something like "boy please I have seen bigger" or "yours is ok, it falls a little short but I can work with it" or "no you really don't need that magnum condom a regular one will due" or "no I really wanna get on top b/c I"m not feeling anything" and "yes I have had better".  Now I refrain from saying such thing because I usually like the person I'm screwing(yes I tried to make that a habit) and I don't really want to bruise the male ego(well not at that time).  So in conclusion ladies our job is never done, we will sit back and let him brag and feel like he did something that have never been done, go ahead especially if you like him.

look up and look who it is.....now what?!

Last week I got a text out of no where the message was just my name and when I looked at it I didn't immediately recognize the number so I said "yes? and this is??"  They responded with their name and a host of memories, thoughts and somewhat nervousness came over me.  You see it was the ex no not him but the ex from before the father, the same ex I left to be with the father.  The same ex that the father have always felt insecure about yes the same ex I never really stop caring about.  Why was he texting me? What do he want?
I responded back and we talked/texted you know the usual, how are you? how is everything? what are you up to?  Yes the "how is the weather conversation", after a few messages back and forth I asked him what do you want?  He didn't know, he said he just decided to contact me after thinking about me for sometime.  I said ok and I was cool with that. 
For me r-ex(which is was he will be referred to) brings alot of different emotions and kinda turns me all icky.  I hate that and that's why I would rather not be in regular contact.  We where in a 5 year relationship which had its highs and lows.  See when I met r-ex I was young and he taught me the kind of relationship I wanted and didn't want to be in.  While he had great qualities and I loved him tremendously he was a cheater and after break up and heartache break up and heartache I decided I needed and wanted better.  I was at the end of my rope with him when I started my current job and thus met the father.  That is the very short version.
We have been exchanging messages daily and while I like talking to him because I don't hate him or anything like that, I really don't find it necessary.  What I mean is no he is not going to be my friend because as I stated in a previous post ex's are not friends.  I do think of him time to time but my life has gone in a direction and I am pretty happy with.  I feel we both have had moments of "what if" but I don't dwell on that.  He wants to met up and talk I said I would, I'm not sure what could be said but I"m willing to talk. 

baby steps

Since I decided to get out and start dating things have started off not half bad.  Friday I set up to meet guy #2 previous post .  He explained that he was meeting a group off people at Mad Mex, in University area.  Initially I wasn't comfortable with a group setting so he suggested I bring someone, of course my someone was the very married Ebony.  The place was great, I like the atmosphere and the crowd, Ebony and I said that we come back just hang.  Anyway we get there and guy#2 is sitting at a booth with just one other guy.......ummmm what happen to the group??  They both were pretty descent looking so it wasn't bad, they both where wearing sunglasses in a very dark restaurant which is socially corny.  So we order margaritas and talk, guy#2 ordered everyone some loaded nachos, mmm mmm good.  The conversation we had was simple, everyone had a nice sense of humor and the evening was enjoyable.  We where sitting in a booth and we had some slight physical interaction, you know him touching my sholder when we laughed rubbing elbows due to the lack of space, suttle things I guess.  I think this is what I really don't like about the online dating thing.  I am not use to the awkwardness of meeting someone and having them checking you out to see if they like you or not and vice verse.  I"m use to a guy approaching me or again vice verse and exchanging info and begin the process that way.  Since you see the person initially you know whether or not there is a mutual attraction.  Of course you have pics on your profile but seeing someone in person with the whole 3D effect is totally different.  Anyway they walked us to the car, which I have to say I was thinking wow two car seats in the back of my car, ummmmm probably not sexy(LOL).  We talk a little more he gives me a hug once and then a hug twice, which I didn't mind.  Seemed like I nice evening, right?  So the next day I get a text from him saying he is so embarrassed.  I said huh?  Why are you embarrassed?  He tells me doesn't drink and since he had a drink he didn't feel like himself.  He is so sick and his stomach is killing him.  I'm pretty annoyed, he ordered a big azz margarita(that's the name of the drink) which was the same drink Ebony and I had.  The flavor he ordered was honey dew....??  I would say he drank about 1/4 of the drink and your totally wasted.  Needless to say I was irked because if you don't drink then why would you order a drink filled with tequila??  I said well I'm sorry to hear that your feeling sick.  That was all I could muster up, I don't know it seemed stupid and strange, I don't know maybe I'm not reading between the lines are reading to much into it....
Anyway Sunday we found ourselves at a fish fry at Lou and Choo's, a bar in north philly.  Ebony bought some tickets for us last weekend and we had a great time.  It was from 5pm- 9pm, we ate listened to music and had a great view of some eye candy.  Since I grew up in north philly I saw alot of familiar faces.  I eventually established eye contact with a nice looking guy and we flirted across the bar for most of the evening.  He bought us all some drinks and by the end of the night we exchanged numbers. 
I had nice buzz by the end of the night and had moment of weakness and texted the father...oh lawd!  He texted back but after I realized what I did, I just didn't respond.  I know, I don't know whatever..........