baby steps

Since I decided to get out and start dating things have started off not half bad.  Friday I set up to meet guy #2 previous post .  He explained that he was meeting a group off people at Mad Mex, in University area.  Initially I wasn't comfortable with a group setting so he suggested I bring someone, of course my someone was the very married Ebony.  The place was great, I like the atmosphere and the crowd, Ebony and I said that we come back just hang.  Anyway we get there and guy#2 is sitting at a booth with just one other guy.......ummmm what happen to the group??  They both were pretty descent looking so it wasn't bad, they both where wearing sunglasses in a very dark restaurant which is socially corny.  So we order margaritas and talk, guy#2 ordered everyone some loaded nachos, mmm mmm good.  The conversation we had was simple, everyone had a nice sense of humor and the evening was enjoyable.  We where sitting in a booth and we had some slight physical interaction, you know him touching my sholder when we laughed rubbing elbows due to the lack of space, suttle things I guess.  I think this is what I really don't like about the online dating thing.  I am not use to the awkwardness of meeting someone and having them checking you out to see if they like you or not and vice verse.  I"m use to a guy approaching me or again vice verse and exchanging info and begin the process that way.  Since you see the person initially you know whether or not there is a mutual attraction.  Of course you have pics on your profile but seeing someone in person with the whole 3D effect is totally different.  Anyway they walked us to the car, which I have to say I was thinking wow two car seats in the back of my car, ummmmm probably not sexy(LOL).  We talk a little more he gives me a hug once and then a hug twice, which I didn't mind.  Seemed like I nice evening, right?  So the next day I get a text from him saying he is so embarrassed.  I said huh?  Why are you embarrassed?  He tells me doesn't drink and since he had a drink he didn't feel like himself.  He is so sick and his stomach is killing him.  I'm pretty annoyed, he ordered a big azz margarita(that's the name of the drink) which was the same drink Ebony and I had.  The flavor he ordered was honey dew....??  I would say he drank about 1/4 of the drink and your totally wasted.  Needless to say I was irked because if you don't drink then why would you order a drink filled with tequila??  I said well I'm sorry to hear that your feeling sick.  That was all I could muster up, I don't know it seemed stupid and strange, I don't know maybe I'm not reading between the lines are reading to much into it....
Anyway Sunday we found ourselves at a fish fry at Lou and Choo's, a bar in north philly.  Ebony bought some tickets for us last weekend and we had a great time.  It was from 5pm- 9pm, we ate listened to music and had a great view of some eye candy.  Since I grew up in north philly I saw alot of familiar faces.  I eventually established eye contact with a nice looking guy and we flirted across the bar for most of the evening.  He bought us all some drinks and by the end of the night we exchanged numbers. 
I had nice buzz by the end of the night and had moment of weakness and texted the father...oh lawd!  He texted back but after I realized what I did, I just didn't respond.  I know, I don't know whatever..........

a girl needs option

After a break and much thought I decided to get back out there in the dating world.  I got back back online and decided to update my profile and start actually responding to messages. So far what I have gotten back isn't bad, I have been exchanging emails with 3 guys.  This just takes me back to my old Temple day, juggling 3 to 5 five guys at a time.  Having a date just about every weekend and the occasional no scratch that, the regular weekly dinners out during the week.  So anyway, I have worked up to talking/texting all three guys(hee hee) and I enjoy all the conversations.  I find myself talking to one and the line is beeping with another and then I'm torn as to who I want to talk to more.  Remember my phone time is so limited, it's usually on my ride home and once I get to the daycare I end all conversation.  Reason being I cannot be talking to someone and have Ase in the back round yelling while Ayanna is patting me saying "mommy mommy".(not sexy)

-guy 1 originally from Atlanta, I hear a slight county accent.  He lives in Carlisle, PA works in a government bldg as IT guy.  Has 2 children(i think) seven year old son lives with him.  He has family in Southwest Philly, dad from Phila, mom from GA.  Very nice, says he can cook and knows how to plan a date.  As far as looks pretty decent pics not hard on the eyes.  Former military guy, divorced but says he would get married again, last relationship ended 3 months ago

-guy 2 from Phila, PA works out near Collegeville(i think) in Juvenile justice system.  Works 2nd shift, never been married, has 17y/o daughter which is pregnant(OMG, I know) so he will be a grandfather in July.  He's 37 had daughter when he was in high school.  Wants to get married and have a child(uh oh?)  Awesome cook he once catered a small wedding of 50 people(cool)  good looking, last serious relationship was a little over a year ago

-guy 3, Philadelphia police officer on the force for 8 years loves his job.  Has 2 children, not to bad looking never been married.  Has great sense of humor always laughing when I'm talking to him.  I have talked to him the least out of everyone.

Planning to met each one at least by the weekend, what do you think of the stable?

Graduation

Last Thursday Gia graduated from elementary school(tear) and is headed off to Middle school. I can't believe how she is growing into such a young lady.  The father and I was there and things went very well, she got awards, as expected not to brag but she is an excellent student.  The little ceremony ran about an hour, I have to admit I found myself thinking "sheesh this is kinda long", but it was cute.  Afterward she wanted to go to Olive Garden but the graduation ended a little after 10am so it was too early to go there.  The father took us to breakfast and then he went off back to work.  We went back to the house, I did a few things and later on I took her to dinner at the Olive Garden.  Here she is.....with the father as well.








Also Saturday was her Graduation BBQ and things turned out pretty well.  I think I did pretty good with the food and the bbq.  Lots of her friends showed up, I know that was pretty important.  A hand full of my guest came out and everyone said they had a nice time.  the Undomestic Goddess came over, its been awhile since she has seen Gia.  If I remember correctly Gia was 4 or 5 years old when she first met her, we laughed at how big she is and how time flies.  Everyone was pretty entertained at my ex-mother in law, UGGGG.  She is always a spectical, which is a shame but it's true.  I always refer to her as an old hoochie, you know lady who thinks she still young enough to wear a half-shirt, the old lady in the bar talking about she still got it, the one who just doesn't want to act her age, that's her!  It's funny because the father just ignores her and he does it so well that if they in the same room you wouldn't even think that he knows her.  Anyway everyone had a good time, the next day I was exhausted and I was pretty much in and out of sleep all day.

officially

Just before I left work I got a call from the legal document place saying my official divorce papers are available to be picked up.  I admit I was excited, I was excited to be done with this part of my life.  I was excited because I don't feel like I'm walking around with something hanging over me.  I was excited because I feel in control of my life.  Before I filed Ebony suggested that I have a sit down heart to heart with the father, I said no.  I told her I felt like it was nothing else to talk about.  We had conversations and I tried having heart to heart discussions with him, with no success because he is/was full of anger.  But she felt like that was quite sometime ago and so many things have changed since our initial split.  I agree but I feel like it's nothing else to be said.  Is that my defense talking?  I don't know but I am just at the spot when enough is enough.  When I told my mom she said "hmmm", of course I asked what does that mean.  She went on to tell me that she doesn't think either of us are over each other and anybody can see it if they are in the same room.  While I can agree with her all I can do is control me.  I have to plan and live my life how I want and see fit and not on the maybe's or the what ifs.  I don't regret filing, I don't regret making the decision to move forward.  The life I am making for myself is turning out rather good.  Do I still have love for the father, of course!  Am I able to move on with my life and be happy, of course!  Did things turn out how I envisioned, no!  But it's ok, I"m ok and life is good.  Sh*& happens things change and the beat goes on, so in the words of Bart Simpson "eh whatta you gonna do?!"

headache....

So two weeks ago the father calls me when I'm leaving work to say he can't pick up the kids.  I decided to let him know how I felt about that previous post  So here it is almost three weeks later and your still acting like your mad?!!?? WTF....excuse me but WTF?? seriously!  Why do you have the attitude, because since then you haven't picked up your kids nor called them.  Then when I call/text you, you don't answer.  I can't deal with these silly games.  Are you mad because when I gave you a piece of my mind something I said struck a nerve??!?  So of course life goes on and I don't have to call/text because we are good over here.
Last week was Ayanna small preschool graduation, you text me talking about what time is it.  I said look I"m not playing these games, if you have something to say pick up the phone.  That's why I was calling you because I wanted to coordinate a gift for her.  Of course he doesn't call and he must have figured out the time because he showed up.  Then this morning you text me asking when is Gia graduation, leave me the F#@$ alone.  Especially because once again I texted/called last week to coordinate with you about her graduation too.  I have decided to ignore all texts from him I can't keep allowing myself to be bothered with this silly behavior.  If he wants to talk about our children then he will have to call and honestly I'm not sure I am willing to answer the phone right now.  I always put my feelings aside for my children, that's what any good parent would do.  But right now I am not dealing with him at all.  Whether it's wrong, right or indifference that's just what I'm doing.

the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.....

This morning the director of one of the programs I work for comes over to my office and tells me that a co-worker died last night in her sleep.  The news begins to spread the president of the company along with human resources are contacted.  Staff are crying in shock and total disbelief because on top off that she is suppose to get married on Friday.  The executive director, director of nursing along with a host of others proceed to the work site to inform staff that have worked with this person for the last 10 years that their co-worker is dead.  They get there and begin telling the staff and somebody says "no I have her on the phone", what?!?!??  Ten minutes later the staff, who is suppose to be dead walks into the house! Apparently the supervisor got a message this morning saying "____ ____ died last night in her sleep."  He calls back to confirm and they say yes she passed away, clearly this person isn't dead.  So everyone tells the supervisor to call the phone back..........
Apparently someone the supervisor knew years ago with the same name died who does not work at the company. 
I can't
I can't...........

.....

Now that I am back from vacation and I had a chance to indulge in whatever food I chose play time is over.  I have to get back to my gym routine(since I have officially made this a way of life) and watching what I am eating.  I really really want to shed some weight and while I hate the word "diet" I will have to get on board with some kind of alternative eating solution.
I have also chosen to get back into the dating scene, I guess the online thing.  I figured why not, I find myself on the weekends and during the week having spare time so maybe I'm not that busy after all.  Especially when I got a random text from Undomestic Goddess last Sunday to hang out and was able to just pick up and go.  It felt nice to have something to do on a whim and I thought also putting myself in more/different situations I just may meet someone.
Also since I have colored my hair I think I 'm going to ride this color out for the summer at least.  Keep up on my roots and definitely bring back the weaves.
Well that's all for now.....

It's been awhile....

South beach Miami was absolutely wonderful.  My vacation was much needed and I totally enjoyed myself, no worries, no kids plenty of beach sun and relaxing.  Things eventually worked out for Ebony, we arrived early and was able to get a double bed room and it had a pull out couch.  I went the beach everyday and of course I got a great tan.  Well is it really called a tan for black people?? I don't know but I like it, also I think the salt water along with the sun cleared up my seasonal Rosacea on my cheeks.  Of course we drank, ate, met guys, walked Ocean Dr until out feet hurt, clubbed and just had a great time.  I'm already thinking of where are we going next year.....are you in?
Here is a pic of us on Ocean Dr.  the girl was suppose to include the Miami beach sign at the top and the day and time......




What else....
The father took Ase to get his hair cut, finally!  I have been asking him to cut his hair for a few months now and what does he do, wait til I'm 800miles away and takes him.  Initially, I was upset when he texted that he was taking him to get his hair cut.  I wanted to be there but I calmed down and the girls told me let him take him and have their father son moment.  So I just asked him to make sure he sent me some pics and save some of his hair.  The next day he sends me a pic and I was sitting on the beach and I just busted out crying at how handsome he looked.  I think it was a mix of emotions because he didn't look like the wild hair crazy baby when I left he looked like a big boy.  But I was very happy about his hair, he looks like his mommy.




Of course when my flight got in at 11pm when I got home who walks in 5 min after I get home, the father.  I"m like ooooook, what did you miss me?? 

I'm back at work and I don't feel as annoyed as I did before I left, so that's good I guess that's what vacation is for.  Its still the same old nonsense but hay what are you gonna do??

Ayanna is having a preschool graduation on Friday of course the father and I got into an argument Tuesday and now he's not speaking to me.  I"m trying to coordinate a nice gift and possible a graduation party at the daycare, since I'm going back to work I was gonna leave everything.  The argument was his fault, as usual he calls me when I'm walking out the door getting off work and says he can't pick the kids up.  So whatever I had to do is out the window.  It erks me because every and then he pulls this crap most of the time I just ignore him but this time I kinda went off.  So now he still mad and not talking to me.  I can't stand him(LOL....I think that's my bi-weekly I hate him comment)