do you like like him or just like him?

Wow it has been a month since I have blog and honestly I was avoiding it for some odd reason.  Every time I would open up the internet I would intentionally not click on blogger, I wanna say I'm not sure what that was about but I think I know what it was about.  Its been totally about route 26, I didn't want to blog to much about him again why I don't know but when I think about I think its because I actually like him and it scares me.  It scares me for so many different reasons:

• I haven't like like someone in a really long time, hell lets face it I haven't like like someone since the father.  And in all honesty I don't know how I feel about that, the rebellious side of me says fuck it and just like the dam boy but the very rational side of me says no way get out now while its still early. 
• I think about why waste time and energy with someone and it doesn't go anywhere.  Not to say that he some loser dude and doesn't have a future because I wouldn't even bother with him if that was the case.  I just think the age difference is so drastic.  Yes he is quite younger than me but when we hanging out it doesn't feel that way.  He totally knows how to take control(which I like in a guy) he makes me feel sexy and attractive(not that I don't know I already am) and I just have a great time even when we just chillin at his place.
• Which leaves me back to the original bullet of it makes me nerves and scares me that I like him.  Of course I'm playing it cool just because that's my steez(style), he always make reference as to our future and what we are going to do, where we going to live and etc.  I think its cute.  He also drops settle statements like "I would be jealous if you were out with someone else", I know he likes me back but I'm more concerned with my feelings.  I don't want to be that woman who is scared to let go and like like someone, I guess because I know I'm not really like that.  We are going to Atlantic City this Friday to see Trey Songz and Big Sean in concert(pics coming), I'm so excited for the concert and to spend the weekend with him.

(sigh)

Cougar? Yes say it loud and proud

I was reading an article about Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon and I didn't realize she was 10 years older than him.  WOW 10 years is alot I mean no doubt she is absolutely beautiful but we know the saying "beauty fades dumb is forever", no I"m not calling her dumb I know they are in love which is wonderful.  What I am saying is I can't imagine being 40something and having to satisfy my much younger husband sexually, I mean really!  Not saying that 40, 50 hell even 60 year old people aren't having a healthy sex life, I just imagine it with other people in there age range not 10 years their junior.  When I'm 50 I don't think I want someone jumping up and down on me every other day and giving out blow jobs (then again maybe I would;).
With that said I have been talking to this 26year old guy for a few weeks now, we hung out last weekend and we both had a good time.  side bar:  the other day I was telling bestie that when I meet a guy I have to immediately be able to look at him and say to myself whether or not I can see myself having sex with him.  We laughed at that but in all honesty it's true and she agreed with me, not saying it will happen immediately(well not all the time) but I have to have that sexual attraction for me to even want to get to know him.  So guys some of us girls think that way too....
Anyway we have a plan to hang out again this Friday, its funny because I"m really out of my comfort zone but I am going forward nothing to lose.  He seems pretty decent he's Hawaiian(yes his mom still lives there), works for Peco energy has his own place no kids, so of course I asked what does he possible want with this older women with 3 kids.  He gave the right answer and I am kinda impressed with the conversations we have.  We played pool and of course he the opportunity to hold me on the waist and get close, I like his confidence.  So me to Mariah, I have it together enough get a younger man's attention.

Go me

A few weeks ago I went to the dentist everything went well, I found out that they do Zoom.  Zoom is a whitening procedure, that became really popular on the show extreme makeover.  Any way I decided this was something I wanted and last Thursday morning I got my teeth whitening.  No my insurance didn't cover any of the cost but I signed up for FSA(flexible spending account) and was able to use that money to the tune of $500.  Yes I know expensive but fsa is one of those things you can only use on medical expenses and at the end of the year if you don't use the money you lose it.  When I signed up I put a nice cushy amount in, last year when Ase was in and out of hospital I barely had enough for his medication.  I was not about to run into that same problem and since my baby have had a great year so far(admitted to hospital once=) the money is just sitting.  Anyway the procedure was about 2 hours including the prep and going over things, it went well.  Towards the end the nerves in my teeth became sensitive and started to give me sharp pains, that last throughout the day.  By the next day it was gone and my teeth/smile is brighter, no its not chicklet white but they are whiter and I am very pleased.  For the next 3days I have to do some small maintenance twice a day for 45min wearing something like a invisalign on my teeth.

On the other side of news I decided it was no reason for r-ex and I to continue our conversations.  He is in a relationship and that is something I already knew without him telling me because he is just that kind of guy.  I wasn't about to sneak around with him or anything close to that, I don't play seconds so it was pretty obvious there was nothing really to discuss.  I felt like he was still doing the same thing after all these years, cheating and sneaking around on the girlfriend you say you love.  I was the girlfriend at one time but now I'm a different kind of women the kind who can see through the bullsheesh, games and lies.  I'm not saying he is all those things because I don't know him anymore but what I am saying, there are just somethings I'm not willing to deal with.  Life is good right now, I'm happy with alot of things going on yes every now and then a monkey wrenched is thrown into the mix but I work through those things.  When I'm dating someone it's not complicated, they want to get to know me I want to get to know them we make time to hang out we find out if we like each other and then.......
So with that said on to the next.
My computer at my job crashed and normally I really wouldn't care but it just so happen the night before I started my assignment for class at home and emailed it to my work addy.  So I finish up at work and it was to perfection I save it in my documents.  I was about to print it to have a co-worker read over it but I didn't I just said I would later needless to say what happened later yes the computer crashed. UGGGGG
Yes I have the first draft in my email but dang I really was happy with the way it turned out.  Anyway the MIS guy took the computer I asked if he would be able to save any info on the hard drive he said he not sure he will try. 

smh

Last week CHOP(children's hospital of Philadelphia) called me and asked if I wanted to participate in a study.  Initially I was like ummm no, I work during the week and really don't have time but then she mentioned it starts at 530pm and it pays for parking and I will receive $50bucks.  Well in that case sure I would participate.  I know it seems a little cheesy but hay $50 is plenty pocket money for my wawa coffee runs in the morning to work.  From 5:30 to 7pm not bad at all, the study is about the growth of children between the ages of 9 and 14.  My oldest is 12 so yes I have plenty to say, you don't have to disclose any personal information they just want to hear opinions of the family. The study is tonight and I will be there ready to give my opinion and hoping that I can get more information on any other upcoming studies.  They also invited the other parent and they to would receive $50 as well.

I have been talking/texting the guy I met at Ruby Tuesday's sometime back(he lives in Delaware, 30y/o) and the conversations are sometimes weird.  For instance last Tuesday when I went out to Mad Mex he called when I was getting dressed, he asked if I wanted to go out to Warm Daddies the next day I said sure.  He then asked what was I doing I told him getting dressed to go out, then he says OH well since your going out tonight then maybe we should go out Thursday.  I told him no Thursday is no good for me lets stick with Wed, his whole mood change and he seemed pretty annoyed......why??
The next day I texted in the morning and he didnt' respond until about 4 hours later and his response was "morning", that's it.  Dude whats your problem?
I decided to get some space and just not text/call, he calls and we have a normal conversation and I ask him is something wrong.(which I don't understand why he would call me if he got something on his mind)  he says yes I'm just having a little money problem.  I said oh OK well that's normal everybody go through that, he then says well between rent and child support he's jacked.  Of course my initial thought is so why are you trying to date??  I said to him oh wow, those two things you can't budge on so maybe you need to find other avenues of money.  I was turned off even more just because that was a little too much information and not something you really tell someone you just met.  So I"m really not sure what now, talking/texting is cool but um that gets old after while if you don't add going out into the mix.

Cougar town??

Monday I planned a quick meet up with another guy I have been talking to.  We met at the Ruby Tuesday by the airport, ironically this is the same place the father and I had our first date all those years ago.  Anyway we sat and talked and enjoyed each others conversation.  He's divorced, has one son live/works in Delaware which isn't that bad he said once he gets on 95s it was about a 20min drive.  I enjoyed talking with him he seems a little high strung or maybe he was somewhat nervous.  After I found out he was 30y/o the bubble kinda deflated, not that something is wrong with 30 I just really don't want to date anyone younger than me. (UGGG did I just reveal my age)  The father is 3y/o younger than I am and I just want to go the opposite direction.  Not that men can't be old and stupid I just would like to date someone a little more seasoned maybe show me something different and very comfortable with taking the lead if needed.  Yes I know age doesn't always determine that about someone.  This guy seemed smart and interesting so we will see.

and were off

We have kicked off the summer official with our 1st trip to the beach Sunday.  It turned out to be a great day despite the morning.  Usually my trips to the beach consist of some friends with kids, that way everybody has someone to talk/play with.  This year I asked a few people and no one was able to go, so I asked the father and surprisingly he said yes.  I spoke with him Saturday afternoon to confirm what time he will be there and when we will be leaving.  Everything seemed to be going as planned, then I get a text 8am Sunday morning saying something really stupid about being tired and his back and that he wouldn't be able to go.  Of course I was pissed, not because I wanted him to go but because I just didn't feel comfortable/safe at the beach with 3 kids.  Gia likes to get on her buggy board and really get out there, Ayanna is too short to really hang with her sister and I need to keep an eye on Ase.  Which is why I always ask others to come along, but of course I wouldn't let other people be the deciding factor in what I do for my kids so off we went.  The cooler, food, blankets, buggy boards, shovels, buckets, umbrellas, sun block, sun glasses, beach towels and swimmers all was loaded in the white Pontiac and we road out to the beach.  Things turned out great, we all got in the water Gia took her sister out and played with her.  They dug sand ditches and Ase wasn't comfortable with the sand on his feet and we laughed at him as he fell over in the water.  We had a wonderful time.  After we were done on the beach of course we hit the boardwalk, funnel cake and ice cream was a must(for kids not me).  The girls road some rides and Ase laid in his stroller totally exhausted just watching everything.  We left around 7pm and Ayanna had the sad face(of course) but I assured her we will come back.









Wednesday girls had there 6month check up at the dentist, Ase had his 2 weeks prior the father took him.  Apparently he cried the whole time but he is cavity free along with Ayanna but unfortunately Gia was not.  She was pretty upset about to, I'm not allowed back with Gia only Ayanna because of the age I guess so here are a few pics of her.





I have already began to plan our major trip for this summer, this will be to Niagara Falls.  I'm so excited and after much debate I have decided to just drive there.  I'm not looking forward to a 6 hour drive but I'm going to do it.  My plan is to leave at 6am, bring lots of snacks, make stops on the way and buy a portable DVD player.  Yaaaaay! road trip!

On the other side of my life, the guy I met at Mad Mex did not turn out to be someone I want to continue to get to know.  I'm still talking to guy #1(from previous post) the IT guy that lives in Carlisle(sp?) Pa.  We both agree that we don't like the distance but we still want to met and see what happens.  I have a lunch date set up for Sunday with Mr.Officer(guy#3).  We was suppose to met several times but I flaked a couple of times, we work opposite of each other.  I have added another person guy #4 he will be called, he's from Claymont DE, which isn't that far from Phila area.  He has been added to mix of texting/talking, he is from Boston, divorced moved here to be closer to his son.  I forgot what he does, dang so many men can't keep up with who is who. SMH but like I said girl needs options and a good stable to chose from.

baby steps

Since I decided to get out and start dating things have started off not half bad.  Friday I set up to meet guy #2 previous post .  He explained that he was meeting a group off people at Mad Mex, in University area.  Initially I wasn't comfortable with a group setting so he suggested I bring someone, of course my someone was the very married Ebony.  The place was great, I like the atmosphere and the crowd, Ebony and I said that we come back just hang.  Anyway we get there and guy#2 is sitting at a booth with just one other guy.......ummmm what happen to the group??  They both were pretty descent looking so it wasn't bad, they both where wearing sunglasses in a very dark restaurant which is socially corny.  So we order margaritas and talk, guy#2 ordered everyone some loaded nachos, mmm mmm good.  The conversation we had was simple, everyone had a nice sense of humor and the evening was enjoyable.  We where sitting in a booth and we had some slight physical interaction, you know him touching my sholder when we laughed rubbing elbows due to the lack of space, suttle things I guess.  I think this is what I really don't like about the online dating thing.  I am not use to the awkwardness of meeting someone and having them checking you out to see if they like you or not and vice verse.  I"m use to a guy approaching me or again vice verse and exchanging info and begin the process that way.  Since you see the person initially you know whether or not there is a mutual attraction.  Of course you have pics on your profile but seeing someone in person with the whole 3D effect is totally different.  Anyway they walked us to the car, which I have to say I was thinking wow two car seats in the back of my car, ummmmm probably not sexy(LOL).  We talk a little more he gives me a hug once and then a hug twice, which I didn't mind.  Seemed like I nice evening, right?  So the next day I get a text from him saying he is so embarrassed.  I said huh?  Why are you embarrassed?  He tells me doesn't drink and since he had a drink he didn't feel like himself.  He is so sick and his stomach is killing him.  I'm pretty annoyed, he ordered a big azz margarita(that's the name of the drink) which was the same drink Ebony and I had.  The flavor he ordered was honey dew....??  I would say he drank about 1/4 of the drink and your totally wasted.  Needless to say I was irked because if you don't drink then why would you order a drink filled with tequila??  I said well I'm sorry to hear that your feeling sick.  That was all I could muster up, I don't know it seemed stupid and strange, I don't know maybe I'm not reading between the lines are reading to much into it....
Anyway Sunday we found ourselves at a fish fry at Lou and Choo's, a bar in north philly.  Ebony bought some tickets for us last weekend and we had a great time.  It was from 5pm- 9pm, we ate listened to music and had a great view of some eye candy.  Since I grew up in north philly I saw alot of familiar faces.  I eventually established eye contact with a nice looking guy and we flirted across the bar for most of the evening.  He bought us all some drinks and by the end of the night we exchanged numbers. 
I had nice buzz by the end of the night and had moment of weakness and texted the father...oh lawd!  He texted back but after I realized what I did, I just didn't respond.  I know, I don't know whatever..........

a girl needs option

After a break and much thought I decided to get back out there in the dating world.  I got back back online and decided to update my profile and start actually responding to messages. So far what I have gotten back isn't bad, I have been exchanging emails with 3 guys.  This just takes me back to my old Temple day, juggling 3 to 5 five guys at a time.  Having a date just about every weekend and the occasional no scratch that, the regular weekly dinners out during the week.  So anyway, I have worked up to talking/texting all three guys(hee hee) and I enjoy all the conversations.  I find myself talking to one and the line is beeping with another and then I'm torn as to who I want to talk to more.  Remember my phone time is so limited, it's usually on my ride home and once I get to the daycare I end all conversation.  Reason being I cannot be talking to someone and have Ase in the back round yelling while Ayanna is patting me saying "mommy mommy".(not sexy)

-guy 1 originally from Atlanta, I hear a slight county accent.  He lives in Carlisle, PA works in a government bldg as IT guy.  Has 2 children(i think) seven year old son lives with him.  He has family in Southwest Philly, dad from Phila, mom from GA.  Very nice, says he can cook and knows how to plan a date.  As far as looks pretty decent pics not hard on the eyes.  Former military guy, divorced but says he would get married again, last relationship ended 3 months ago

-guy 2 from Phila, PA works out near Collegeville(i think) in Juvenile justice system.  Works 2nd shift, never been married, has 17y/o daughter which is pregnant(OMG, I know) so he will be a grandfather in July.  He's 37 had daughter when he was in high school.  Wants to get married and have a child(uh oh?)  Awesome cook he once catered a small wedding of 50 people(cool)  good looking, last serious relationship was a little over a year ago

-guy 3, Philadelphia police officer on the force for 8 years loves his job.  Has 2 children, not to bad looking never been married.  Has great sense of humor always laughing when I'm talking to him.  I have talked to him the least out of everyone.

Planning to met each one at least by the weekend, what do you think of the stable?