officially

Just before I left work I got a call from the legal document place saying my official divorce papers are available to be picked up.  I admit I was excited, I was excited to be done with this part of my life.  I was excited because I don't feel like I'm walking around with something hanging over me.  I was excited because I feel in control of my life.  Before I filed Ebony suggested that I have a sit down heart to heart with the father, I said no.  I told her I felt like it was nothing else to talk about.  We had conversations and I tried having heart to heart discussions with him, with no success because he is/was full of anger.  But she felt like that was quite sometime ago and so many things have changed since our initial split.  I agree but I feel like it's nothing else to be said.  Is that my defense talking?  I don't know but I am just at the spot when enough is enough.  When I told my mom she said "hmmm", of course I asked what does that mean.  She went on to tell me that she doesn't think either of us are over each other and anybody can see it if they are in the same room.  While I can agree with her all I can do is control me.  I have to plan and live my life how I want and see fit and not on the maybe's or the what ifs.  I don't regret filing, I don't regret making the decision to move forward.  The life I am making for myself is turning out rather good.  Do I still have love for the father, of course!  Am I able to move on with my life and be happy, of course!  Did things turn out how I envisioned, no!  But it's ok, I"m ok and life is good.  Sh*& happens things change and the beat goes on, so in the words of Bart Simpson "eh whatta you gonna do?!"