Boy O boy....

This little boy of mine?!?  I have always heard people talk about how boy's are so different from girls, I am a believer now.  I have to chase him down to get his coat on, basically restrain him to change his diaper and he insist on following me around screaming and crying!  I do not remember this with my daughters, I don't know if I just was younger and had more patience or they just didn't carry on like this.  He is more clingy and we have not even reached "terrible two" which has always been something I didn't really believe in, but I am really considering how true it is.

I have been so wishy washy lately, one minute I'm talking about how I'm going to put more interest in dating then when someone shows some interest I pull away.  Yea yea yea I know I"m technically still married but I consider myself very single.  Ok maybe I lie when a guy ask me if I'm married "no, I have been divorced for 2years" is usually what I say.  I have met some nice people but after a few dates I pull away and find reason's why I don't want to go out, it then becomes a chore.  Sometimes I feel like I want to meet someone and develop something serious but come on what if I get serious with someone.  Am I going to hurry to file divorce papers or would I come out and tell them?!  "By the way I know I said I was divorced but I'm not......."  that just doesn't sound or look good.  I met this Russian guy, I know right....  When he approached me I was not expecting him to ask for my phone number, I was looking at him like for what??  Any way I did give him my number and we talked quit a bit.  He is a nurse and works at Temple hospital and had an accent like Arnold Schwarzenegger, I thought it was really cute.  We met for drinks a few times and I enjoyed talking to him but I just ended up pulling away.  My life is so hectic and I just don't really have the energy sometimes to date.  I want someone there when I feel like doing something and I don't want them to bother me when I don't.  I know it doesn't work that way, I guess that is when LTF fits in.  He is there when I want to hang out and if we don't talk for a day(which is not often since he will text/call just about everyday) it's not a big deal.  Right now I should concentrate on moving, hitting the gym and going back to school.  And when I am feeling like I want some male attention call LTF, I guess??  Because the father is never that far out of the picture.  Uggggg!  Right now I have said to that I am not indulging in this back and forth with him.  Its annoying and I how can I put a period on the end and move on if I continue this cycle.  I am not the kind of women who is willing to hold on to a man at any cost.  So maybe I have had this conversation with myself before but maybe I'm at the end.