say it like you mean it

Yesterday I was doing some thinking and trying to sort out my potential funky mood I figured another aspect was the father, surprise surprise.  After giving it much thought I realized I was rather irritated and annoyed with him.  Not that he has done anything and honestly he has been nothing but great, picking up kids, doing things around the house, having pleasant conversations and really just acting very decently.  My irritation stems from just that strangely enough, well let me explain.  I'm not complaining about his much better attitude but the fact that he seems to be drawing closer to me.  When I say that I mean, you know how it is when your in a relationship you call you check in, you tell each other about your day, you talk/text very frequently you ask each other for advice and bounce things off of each other, that kind of thing.  While its nice to be able to hold a conversation with him that's not what I want.  I want to move in the opposite direction, I want to parent with him.  I hate when people say "I'm friends with my ex", bull$&*t !  I don't have sex with any of my friends, my friends are my friends they are not people I use to or want to have sex with.  As far as the ex's I want to be able to hold adult conversations, be able to be in the same room and act decently and raise and share our children, that's it.  All that mess about I just want to be friends, no I think "friends" is the wrong choice of words.  Anyway, I talked to him yesterday......

Me:    I want something else for myself this spot that we are in right now I don't like it.  2 years ago you said

          you didn't want to be me, but now you want to hang out hang around have sex, that's not working for

          me.  I know you still love me and still have the kinda of love that make two people want to be 

          together but you cant have it both ways.

him:    (silence)

me:     hello

him:    I can respect that

me:     yea you say that......i don't want you coming around a month later acting like we didn't have this

          conversation you know where I stand respect it.

him:    I'm saying i respect what your saying, yes you deserve better

me:     I think between your ego and what you think others will have to say is what is keeping you from being

           with me, real talk.  I don't plan to play this game anymore your the one who cut off you nose to spite

          your face.

him:    no ego I'm just content with being alone, I'm working on myself

me:     If your content with being alone then be content and be alone, furthermore God didnt' make us

          like that nobody wants to be alone everybody wants companionship.  Good work on you.

him:    When the time and opportunity present itself, for now I will focus on bettering myself and taking 

          of my family.

Me:    Good!

I feel really good about that conversation, I got somethings out that I have been wanting to say.