busy busy busy

Since my family and I some how made it through the earthquake and hurricane Irene lets get back to business.....
I have to admit it felt pretty good to lay around all weekend and blame the hurricane for not leaving the house, although I did jump up around 5pm Saturday afternoon and attempt to get a mani/pedi.  Needless to say it was closed, dark and pretty much desserted all three nail shops but you know the chinese food store was wide awake and ready to serve, now that's dedication.  Any way I made my way to the supermarket bottom dollar, which by the way I love grabbed some snacks and headed back home.  I love days like that, when I get to hang out with my kids watch them play, they make me laugh well when I'm not yelling like a crazy lady telling them to pickup toys.  Just to give you an idea......




Sunday I decided to make a trip to the Walmart to get a few more things for school.  I logged onto my account and noticed some activity that didn't belong to me.  I called the bank and had them cancel my card and I started to process for the complaint and reported the fraud.  Sheesh here I am a single mom and somebody jacking my funds.  I felt pretty violated and ticked off, I took care of everything today at the bank they made the police report and I was refunded my cash.  But that didn't stop my trip to Walmart, I grabbed the last items Gia needed for school and I few things I needed.  Of course I couldn't leave without a toy for my babies, Ase got his truck and Ayanna got her new barbie doll.  After we search up and down the isle she finally located the one she saw on tv the one that dress goes up and then it comes down to be an evening gown, any way she found it.  After I checked the price I said yes you can have her, I put the one back on the shelf and grabbed the slightly darker one.  Well, Ayanna blurts out ....

Ayanna: "I don't want the brown one"
Me:        why 
Ayanna:  "Because I want to white one"
Me:        what's wrong with the brown one?
Ayanna:  I don't know I just want the white one
Me:        Well your brown and I'm brown so lets get the brown one
Ayanna:  (tears in her eyes) mommy no
Me:         listen you have white ones at home, right?
Ayanna:   yes
Me:         Well just like your classroom you have brown and white friends, lets do the same thing at home
Ayanna:   Oh ok, yes lets get the brown one.
Whew yea I can think pretty fast on my feet, needless to say we will be getting a few more brown babies.

Well classes start this evening and I am all set, I have my books I know where my classes meet, I have my notebook and pencils.  I don't have a bookbag because of course I"m to complicated to have something so simple, so I will pick something up.  I took a trip to the book store and felt like a fish out of water, I got it together quickly and even handled the security guard that was hitting on me.  I had a small monkey wrench thrown in the plans but who said......"what can go wrong, will go wrong" something like that, everything is worked out and I'm all set.

say it like you mean it

Yesterday I was doing some thinking and trying to sort out my potential funky mood I figured another aspect was the father, surprise surprise.  After giving it much thought I realized I was rather irritated and annoyed with him.  Not that he has done anything and honestly he has been nothing but great, picking up kids, doing things around the house, having pleasant conversations and really just acting very decently.  My irritation stems from just that strangely enough, well let me explain.  I'm not complaining about his much better attitude but the fact that he seems to be drawing closer to me.  When I say that I mean, you know how it is when your in a relationship you call you check in, you tell each other about your day, you talk/text very frequently you ask each other for advice and bounce things off of each other, that kind of thing.  While its nice to be able to hold a conversation with him that's not what I want.  I want to move in the opposite direction, I want to parent with him.  I hate when people say "I'm friends with my ex", bull$&*t !  I don't have sex with any of my friends, my friends are my friends they are not people I use to or want to have sex with.  As far as the ex's I want to be able to hold adult conversations, be able to be in the same room and act decently and raise and share our children, that's it.  All that mess about I just want to be friends, no I think "friends" is the wrong choice of words.  Anyway, I talked to him yesterday......

Me:    I want something else for myself this spot that we are in right now I don't like it.  2 years ago you said

          you didn't want to be me, but now you want to hang out hang around have sex, that's not working for

          me.  I know you still love me and still have the kinda of love that make two people want to be 

          together but you cant have it both ways.

him:    (silence)

me:     hello

him:    I can respect that

me:     yea you say that......i don't want you coming around a month later acting like we didn't have this

          conversation you know where I stand respect it.

him:    I'm saying i respect what your saying, yes you deserve better

me:     I think between your ego and what you think others will have to say is what is keeping you from being

           with me, real talk.  I don't plan to play this game anymore your the one who cut off you nose to spite

          your face.

him:    no ego I'm just content with being alone, I'm working on myself

me:     If your content with being alone then be content and be alone, furthermore God didnt' make us

          like that nobody wants to be alone everybody wants companionship.  Good work on you.

him:    When the time and opportunity present itself, for now I will focus on bettering myself and taking 

          of my family.

Me:    Good!

I feel really good about that conversation, I got somethings out that I have been wanting to say. 

I hate that feeling

Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed and I'm trying not to let it take over my mood completely.....

• Classes start this coming Monday and for whatever reason I am extremely nervous.  While I have things in order as far have arrangements for the kids and financial aid covered the cost of my books/tuition I really don't know what my problem is.  I stated in a previous post I know I"m nervous and excited at the same time about learning something new.  So why do I feel like a plug?  Anyway Monday and Wednesday nights I will be in class, whoo hoo!
• I also put myself back on my no carbs no sugar eating regiment(don't like the word diet) for the next two weeks.  This past weekend I felt like a totally fat a** and looked like it.  I also slacked off on the gym but regained my healthy attitude and now I'm back in the saddle.
• These people and this job can really annoy the hell out of me.  People don't want to do there job and for whatever reason they think they can get away with not doing something by saying "but I told ____" what the hell does that mean?  Does that somehow gets you off the hook of doing your job?  I swear this place is full of a bunch of tools.
• I think since I missed our weekly Tuesday girls night out it's catching up with me.  I hope undomestic goddess, will join me since I had to cancel on Tuesday.  I was extremely broke from the previous weekend and wasn't able to hang out.  Ebony and I are trying to plan for a make-up this Friday.
• Where were you during the great earthquake of 2011?
• Also I have been taking a break from dating and not for any particular reason.  The cop still texts me and wants to hang out.  I have been blowing him off since he cancelled a few times so I told him don't call me I will call you and let you know when I am available to go out.  Also the IT guy from Carlisle,PA I still talk to daily so we actually do have a connection.  He was hanging out in Philly this past weekend yes the weekend I was out of town. 
• Gia also will be starting school soon, this is a milestone for her as well since she will be going into middle school.  She is excited but then again she has always been that kid who is excited about school.

Anyway hopefully I will relax some this weekend and pull it all together.

M.I.A.

I haven't blogged in a while mainly because I just haven't been able to get my thoughts together.  "My bipolar was acting up" is what I call it when I'm sort of all over the place and in and out of funky moods.  No I haven't been diagnosed as having bipolar but I have officially named that time as bipolar.
This past weekend I went to Reading, PA for JW's annual convention.  The theme was "Let your Kingdom come", lots of people know the Lords prayer and recite it often but do they really know what they are asking for?  The convention is held at the Sovereign Center in Reading and begins Friday - Sunday all weekend during the summer.  Its 3 days of spiritual food and socializing, I usually stay in Reading for the 3days because its a lot to drive up and down the highway each day.  So I make it a little mini vacation with the kids, we always have a nice time they get to go swimming each night and we usually try to go to dinner on Saturday night.  The center is packed with 5,000 JW's from all over the region (NJ, NY, Maryland, DE and PA) we always meet new people and the discourse are always excellent and true to what people are going through during this tough time.  On Saturday and Sunday there is a full custom drama, Sunday the drama was the story of Joseph and it paralleled with a modern day version of the story.  Saturday it was a drama about a family and the theme was why is it important to have your family worship regularly.  I really enjoyed it and I am so happy and grateful to belong to such a wonderful organization, I spent most of the morning session in the baby room with the other nursing moms and toddlers but I was still able to hear the talks given because there was a speaking in the room. 
We got back Sunday around 5pm, and of course I forgot I left the house not so tidy.  Toys toys toys at least the dishes was done and I didn't come back to any dirty diapers I might have forgot to dispose of.  As far as the toys I'm out numbered so not much I can do there but continue to yell.  I would like to find someone I can hire on a weekly basis to come over and do a through cleaning without killing my pockets.
So back to work Monday although I have a half a day, I'm going to the dentist and boy am I worried.  I made a late afternoon appointment since I couldn't see myself going to work after the dentist.

Wow, really?!??

Friday bff and I went to the fish fry she bought tickets it was at the down the way ghetto bar.  I knew we would have go time but sheesh.  So Ebony met me at my place we played dress up deciding which jewelry to wear and how to do our make up and off we went.  A girl from her job gave the event which I found out that people do this kind of thing just to raise some money which often times for themselves.(didn't know that)  But we got our hot plate of grease chicken or fish and french fries.  I decided to stray away from what we normally drink and went waaaay out left field and ordered a Long Island.  I kinda felt like lets get straight to the point, Ebony soon followed my lead.  Now this is the kinda place where they are pretty heavy handed on the pouring and the guys there are always willing to but a pretty lady a drink.  So after we bought the 1st round needless to say the other 2 just ended up in front of us courtesy of the guy winking across the room.  Straight to the point we went, all I remember is answering the phone and the father asking me where are we.  Ebony told him, apparently we where between drunk street and really f'ed up road.  The father appeared out of no where and told me to park and get in the car.  He drove us home, although I don't remember.  Bff has this thing when she drinks alot she tends to talk, alot!  He drove her home then me, the next morning I didn't have a hangover I felt pretty good just tired.  I did notice my clothes where all over the room and I was completely naked, hum wonder what happened there.  I picked up my car and spent most of Saturday dragging around trying to complete house work while stealing a few naps.

school girl

In four weeks I start on the next adventure in my life, school.  Yes I know for some that may seem like not a big deal but for me I am pretty nervous about it.  August 29th starts the semester and it is approaching rather quickly as well as the end of the summer.  When I was a kid(wow that sounded old) it use to feel like the summer went on forever but now that I am not waking up at 12noon and running up and down the block playing hide n seek and skating it just flies by.  And it doesn't help that come mid July we are bombarded with back to school sales.  Anyway, I think I more nervous about learning something new, I decided to go back for my degree as a paralegal.  I thought about it alot I am excited that I am going to be doing something I actually find interesting and to some aspect exciting.  I will be taking two evening classes, I hope the classes are full of working adults like myself I can't imagine having to be in a class full of kids straight out of high school, yuck!
Tonight I have plans to hang out with the bff, she bought some more tickets to a ghetto fish fry.  I can't wait!
Also since it's almost the end of the summer I decided to skip out on some bills(yea yea yea) and treat myself and the kids to some fun things.  Sometimes doing this adult responsible thing gets really old and tiresome, no worries I will pay for it later when I have to play catch up but who cares!?!

such is life

The past week things have been good.  Friday I took off work and went to Dorney Park(I know, big kid) a co worker actually talked me into.  Its not something I would have done on my own but I actually had a great time.  I got on a few roller coasters and got dizzy and screamed like a school girl, I felt like somebodies mother.  The lines where short and didn't take long to get on the rides, but if you live any where near the Northeast area of the country you where dealing with the humidity as well.  The good thing once we where all hot and sweaty we just walked over to Wildwater Kingdom and cooled off on the water rides/slides.  I'm glad I went like I said I would have never planned to go on my own.
Other side of news the guy I mentioned previously with the $$ problems can't seem to take a hint.  I haven't called/text, when he calls I don't answer right away if he texts I will respond in a very dry manner.  I don't if he's really getting the hint.  I don't want to be out right rude but I also don't want to talk to Danny Downer, seriously the last straw was he asked what I was doing this weekend I told him about Dorney Park and he responds "sounds fun, if I had some extra pennies I would go".  Seriously, seriously who invited you and extra pennies??  That's enough!
The guy from Carlisle(sp?), Pa stills seems to be pretty interested and we talk regularly.  I don't really know if I am the long distance type but it really doesn't matter right now, I am enjoying my life right now the way it is.  So no hurry or no pressure from the relationship scene, just talking/dating and enjoying company I'm good with that right now.
And honestly how can I be ready to get into a serious relationship when, yes I"m going to say it "I'm still dealing with the exhusband" on so many different levels.  We talk more and honestly seem to be closer than ever right now, strange as it is.  Anyway Ebony and are headed out for our weekly hang out, we haven't decided where tonight.  Any ideas?