Nothing special.....

-Monday I came home a found I had a check from Express Scripts.  This company handles our prescriptions, apparently in Nov we paid full price for medication and for whatever reason they reimbursed me back the money.  The check was for $145.00 not a huge amount but boy oh boy its just what I needed and just enough to get a few things and hold me over til Friday. :)

-Also on Friday I have decided to rejoin LA fitness.  They are offering me a deal, I cancelled my membership back in 2009 when I got pregnant.  Now they keep sending me emails asking me to come back.  I join planet fitness when they had that $1 down and $10 a month special, which is great because they are also closer to my house but they don't have any babysitting.  LA fitness has babysitting they are in Springfield which isn't that bad.  I am considering doing this until Feb or March, after I get my income taxes I decided I'm just going to buy a family membership for the entire year at the YMCA.

-I think I'm going to take the kids to get another family photo.  The last one we had was in the summer and since Ase has turned 1 I think we should get another one.  I'm not sure what color's to where....any suggestions?

-I finally took Gia over Ebony's house after lots of begging from her and Maniah(Ebony's daughter).  I will pick her up Friday I guess.  Tonight I'm going to get Ayanna and Ase and we going to get a pizza and relax.  My bed will be very crowed, I know Ayanna won't sleep in her room without her big sister.  So it will be her, Ase and I all in the bed......I love it :-D


Well that's all I have

I was minding my own business......

Last night I got the call from LTF(which is what he will be referred to from now on) to talk about things being "complicated".    Initially he wanted to get together Friday and talk, I was like oh no!  It wasn't that serious that I needed a face to face conversation.  So I told him to cut it out and stop being dramatic and let's talk.
So he starts telling me about how much he likes me and really enjoys spending time with me and that he wishes things was different.  I'm like different how, so I mention are you talking about "the father"?  He says yes.  So of course I'm even more confused because I was minding my own business when you sought me out.  You persistently asked me "when are we hanging out"?  Now that started back in the summer.  Now like I said we have always been cool and have always seen each other around.  Then out of the blue he starts to pursue me asking me out and make plans for just the two of us to hang out.
 He proceeds to tell me because he knows him it just makes things complicated.  Mind you its not like they have every hung out or even would call themselves friends.  They never ran in the same circles nor have any friends in common.  He just knows who he is and have seen the course of our relationship.  Not that I am not ok with just being friends but like I said that's all we are but it just doesn't makes sense to me.  His actions is just what doesn't makes sense.  He likes me alot and wants to date but he has some kind of loyalty to my ex?? What in the world??
I was not about to try to convince anybody of anything, so I listened and said "ok".  I think he was kinda of surprised but look I'm not getting any younger and I'm about to play this back a forth.  Either someone whats to be with me or not.....really simple, REALLY!  He also wants to know if we can continue to hang out......ummmmmm No!  I said sure but in all honestly that doesn't make sense.  Why would two adults who are attracted to each other hang out?  What is this the garden of Eden and here we are with the forbidden fruit  in arms reach....I don't think so.  I can see it now, where out drinking dancing he smells good, I'm looking good....a touch a kiss.  Stop right there, I will not torture myself or waste time playing footsie when I could be out with someone who actually wants to develop something.
So there it is.....Oh well    NEXT!

It's complicated??

After much pressure from some of my friends, I decided to come out and ask the long time friend what are we doing.  It went something like this:

ME: "are we hanging out just as friends or exploring other options?"

HIM: "that is really complicated"

ME: "really??"

HIM: " can we talk it about it later"

ME: "sure...i hope i didn't' give you a headache"

HIM: "noooo not at all....your funny"

ME: "im just saying....u said complicated"

HIM: "because it is"

ME: "interesting"

HIM: "I don't mean it in a weird way"

ME: "oooooh"

So I took that as "Devona you have a very complicated situation, I like you but I"m not sure what to do".  Yes this long time friend knows my situation.  All about the father, kids etc....

I really wanted to ask him because I need to know what he is thinking.  If we decide to just be friends I'm good with that.  Considering thats all we have been.  I know I just don't want to be in a situation where I am stroking his ego or trying to convince his insecurities(not saying he has any) about the father.  Which brings me to my relationship with the father.  Uggg that is a whole blog by itself......

p.s comments.......

whew......

It has been quite an eventful past few days........

-So Ase was discharged from the hospital on Wed.  I have decided to get a second opinion on his condition.  At this point why not, I can't keep doing 5 days in the hospital every other month.  Even if another doctor tells me that we are following the right course and doesn't have any new answers for me oh well at least I'm trying.  He is feeling better, the cold seem to be running its course and he is making a slow recovery.

-So I returned to work Thursday, after being out for a week.  Its so stressful to lose 40 hours of work just like that!  I have tons of work to do which is expected.  It decides to start snowing around 3 or 4 maybe and I left at 4:45pm.  Now of course traffic would be so ridiculously backed up, when I have somewhere to be.......the Usher concert at 730pm(I got a call on Tuesday from my long time friend saying surprise he bought the tickets)  I don't get to the daycare til 6:10 and they close at 6pm.  Luckily every other parent was late as well so there was no late fee.  I get a call from my "date"(?? I don't know if I would call it a date.  I mean two friends going to a concert doesn't necessary mean date.....does it? what do you think?) that he is in front of my door.  So I pull up behind him, so I rush in get showered make up curl hair and actually make it out the door in about 20min.  The show was great, Usher is a great performer!  It feels nice to be out with someone and they takes care of everything, catering to you making sure your comfortable.
Which always brings me to this confusion with him.  We often have this time when we hang out of being in each others personal space then it gets kinda awkward.  I feel so silly because I am never this confused, unsure and insecure with anyone.  Maybe he just see's me as a great friend and that's it.  How do I see him?  Is he someone I would date?  Do I actually like him?  I don't know whatever my head hurts........

-Ayanna turned 4 on Thursday, she's getting so big.  She's been asking for a princess party for a while, I'm going to surprise her and either give it to her after we move or just have it at a small hall.  Here she is serving McDonald's at the please touch museum and the other putting on her "lip stick".  She looks more and more like her dad.
              


-I don't have any huge plans for the weekend, which is cool.  I need to relax and take care of things around the house.  The kids and I will probably go over a friends house on Sat. eat drink and enjoy company.
later...........

i love this song.....

LOL......I dont know either

It's crazy how I am actually blogging from the computer in my son's hospital room.  He is taking a nap, which is wonderful since he is sooooo cranky.  We got here yesterday(friday) early afternoon.  I was attempting to handling this at home but I just got uncomfortable with his breathing and decided to bring him in.  I never want to become desensitized to his condition or start thinking "oh he's ok".  My motherly instincts always know when we need to come in.  All the times we have been to the er we have been admitted every time with 1 exception.  So yes in total this makes our 5th admission.  I pray that he grows out of this and will be able to lead a normal active life.  I feel so alone when I'm here, I know I have friends/family support but I feel so alienated.  I know him being hospitalized is not about me but the reality is when he's here I'm here.  And yes he does have his father but oh no mommy needs to be by his side. 
Last night was my companies annual holiday party and yes I missed it.  I wasn't to upset but I did want to put on some clothes and enjoy some nice food.  And I have to admit I wanted to dance and hang out with this long time friend.  He actually was the only reason I was going since he insisted that I go.  And after weeks of back and forth I gave in and told him I would come.  And I did feel bad, I invited a friend to go with me and I know she made arrangements to go and we both ended up not going.
Hopefully we will be leaving tomorrow

Ayanna:     "daddy"
the father:   "yes"
Ayanna:     " i found christmas"
the father:   "huh?  what do mean?"
Ayanna:     "right there(pointing to a tree with lights on it), there is christmas"
the father:   "oh ok"

weekend antics

Its Monday back to work and the weekend went pretty well.........

Friday the kids and I were leaving the house in morning Gia(yes she is to blame) locks both sets of keys in the house.  I am loading the baby in his seat I tell her don't close the door I don't have my keys.  She says well I don't see them so you must have them and close and locks the door.  I'm checking my bag, pockets and realize no I don't have them. UGGGGG!!  Then I say ok well get your keys out of your book bag and of course she doesn't have them.  At this point there is nothing to do but go to work and continue worry about it the rest of the day.  I leave my landlord a message and of course I get no call back, nothing.  So I devise my own plan of getting into an apt on the second floor of a duplex, hmmmmmm.  So of course I call "the father" and tell him to meet me there and figure something out.  I decided not to have him kick in to door, realizing that would be costly and just not a good idea.  So we go into the basement to get the ladder and to climb in the window! "The father" tells me he's not climbing in the window that he will hold the ladder and I have to climb in, I say ok(PLEASE, AS IF).  I get my downstairs neighbor, who is a total pain in the a** and ask him to help.  The father and the neighbor get the ladder from the basement and of course I stand by and watch as the neighbor holds the ladder and the father climbs up and into the window. omg! At least it was dark and not too many people watched and got a full tutorial on how to brake into my place.

Saturday Ebony and I decide to take the kids to Chuck E Cheese's, yes I said it Chuck E Cheese's on a Sat.  I was babysitting a friend from my congregation 5 y/o daughter, which is nice since it gives Ayanna a chance to have company instead of pester Gia and her company.  We got there late afternoon and it wasn't so bad, we always get a booth plenty of pizza/soda and tokens for the kids.  So Ebony and I pretty much get to sit talk and laugh while they run around.

Sunday we went to hall and went to Denny's afterward for brunch with some friends.  We came home and got started with laundry and dinner.  The weekend went well and of course things wouldn't be right if I didn't have my daily aggravation from the father.  He decides 2 weeks ago that he will take the kids every Mon and Tues drop them off Wed at the daycare and I will pick them up.  I went with it for 2 weeks but then decided that's to much time away from home/mom.(any mom's out there that can understand?)  I'm not that kind of mom who is always looking to pawn my kids off, to run out the door to hang out and do nothing.  I know some people may think that I am some how missing out on something because I have kids. Sorry nope that's not me.  I have been to Miami, Las Vegas, Atlantic City, Virgina Beach, Disney World and continue to make plans.  And when I want to do things I plan a sitter and I do them.  So no I don't want my kids gone half the week, yes that is their dad but I'm their mom.  So I feel a fight coming on, but that's fine.  I know he does things to aggravate/annoy me, most of the time I ignore it but sometimes I take a bite.